


Bruised, Not Broken

by ButMakeItGay



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Christmas Fluff, F/F, Fluff, Light Angst, References to Depression, christmas clexa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-22
Updated: 2019-12-22
Packaged: 2021-02-26 22:00:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21906103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ButMakeItGay/pseuds/ButMakeItGay
Summary: "Mmm." Lexa froze as she took in pink lips tilted in a soft expression of kindness, blue eyes glancing up as the doctor pulled back. "Your heart actually sounds really, really strong."Swallowing roughly when the woman stepped away, Lexa couldn't stop the slight croak to her voice as she uttered a quiet, "Oh?"__________________________Tender hearted Lexa seeks some professional advice. Guys? You're never gonna guess who her doctor is.
Relationships: Clarke Griffin/Lexa
Comments: 30
Kudos: 335





	Bruised, Not Broken

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to my beta commander-leksa, you're the real mvp.
> 
> This is just a drabble that dreamsaremywords said she thought would be sweet 🤷

Feet swinging freely off the edge of the exam bed, Lexa let her gaze wander as listlessly as her mind. From cotton balls to a poster depicting the downfalls of not regularly checking your prostate, Lexa wasn’t sure exactly why she had been stuck in this particular room. Evaluating the small community clinic that was cold and smelled of bleach, and taking stock of the chipping paint and well worn tiles, she wondered if this was even a good idea at all.

A small tap on the door broke her out of her thoughts, shooting a faint ‘Come in’ over her shoulder even as the door had already begun to open.

“Hello,” trailed a bright smiling blonde, eyes scanning a manilla folder of papers before swinging back up, “Ms. Woods, I’m Dr. Griffin. What brings you in today?”

Sighing slightly, having already gone over this with the nurse, Lexa leaned forward to rest her elbows on her knees as the doctor took a seat across from her. “My friends think I’m depressed.”

Blinking a few times, the doctor stared at her blankly, head tilting to the side after a moment of consideration. “I’m sorry; I’m going to need more than that, ma'am.”

Rolling her eyes, Lexa tossed her hands minutely as she nodded and continued. “They think I’m depressed, which… yeah, they’re probably right.”

“What makes you think that?”

“Well… I don’t sleep a lot anymore, even though I'm always tired. I don’t want to eat and when I do, I feel full or sick after a few bites… I don’t really feel like going out anymore. Or working. Or dressing in general. Showers are an internal battle of will-”

“Okay, okay,” Dr. Griffin smiled, holding up a hand before bending down to start scribbling on the pad of paper beside her. “So, loss of interest in activities and motivations. The lack of appetite and trouble sleeping, tell me more about that. How long has that been going on?”

Lexa couldn’t help the way her eyes dropped to her lap, fingers twisting as her stomach sank sharply. She had been trying so hard not to think about this, she really wished she hadn’t even come after all. 

Having to talk about it just seemed to make everything worse… but oh well. She was here. 

Inhaling a steadying breath, she swallowed the acrid taste of bile and answered as best she could. “A little less than three months…”

“Three months… okay. Have you been feeling more pressure than normal from work during this time?”

“No, I’m self-employed.”

“Oh, well that must be nice,” the doctor smiled encouragingly. “Not being a slave to the timeclock.”

“I guess,” Lexa shifted awkwardly under her gaze, trying and failing not to notice how pretty the woman actually was, now that she looked at her properly… Right before mentally grimacing when she remembered the ratty shirt she had slung on before heading out the door. “I mean except for the whole, ‘I don’t really feel like doing anything’ issue.”

“Right, of course,” the doctor nodded conciliatory. “Well, has anything physically changed in your life to cause these symptoms? Any underlying illness that isn’t in your charts? Diabetes? High blood pressure?”

“No.”

“Lifestyle changes? Moved recently?”

Quietly gritting her teeth, Lexa tried to keep the curtness of her voice to a minimum. “... I broke up with my… partner.”

Seeing eyes darting up for a moment Lexa squared herself under the moment of scrutiny, grateful for the slight nod before eyes shifted back down. “Break-ups are tough, that’s for sure. Was it around the time these symptoms started?”

“Yes.”

“Was it mutual, or…”

Scoffing derisively Lexa sat up straight, throwing a fiery glare at the wall as though her ex could feel its scorching intensity wherever she was in the world. “Fucking hardly.”

“Oh, okay,” Dr. Griffin said in a surprised response, straightening up as well, her hand poised over the notepad. “... Well… this isn’t particularly my field of expertise but-”

“It’s fine,” Lexa assured, deflating as quickly as she had raged, musing that maybe it was actually a good thing the doctor got to see her wildly cycling emotions firsthand. It was all part of the problem and a big reason why Anya, after being on the receiving end of an anger-fueled tangent over refusing to change a song, had finally booted her out of her car. Lexa's emotions seemed to yo-yo between wrathful to despair, only broken up by periods of feeling absolutely nothing at all. Dropping her head into her hands she released an exhausted sigh. “I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t be,” the doctor assured softly, scooting her stool closer to the small sink so she could wash her hands. “That’s what you’re here for, right?”

“I have no idea what I’m here for,” Lexa admitted in a whisper. “I know my sister just wants me to get on meds-”

“Is that not something you’re interested in?” Dr. Griffin cut in lightly, drying her hands on a paper towel before standing and grabbing a few things from the wall.

“... I’m not... opposed to it… I've just never had to."

“It’s really not a big deal if you did, you know? If we decided that was an appropriate option,” she reasoned, wrapping a cuff around Lexa’s arm and pressing a button.

“Yeah but the idea of being on something over a breakup… It feels stupid… Weak.”

Tsking softly, the doctor shook her head with a grin. “The reason doesn't matter, just the accepting help. I had a script for over a year to help me make it through my favorite squirrel dying."

“Squirrel?” Lexa questioned, looking up startled into blue, mirthful eyes.

“Yeah, it’s a really long story.”

… And then Lexa smiled. She genuinely smiled for the first time in months. At the thought, the idea, of this professional and so put together woman, mourning the death of a veritable... rodent… Lexa couldn’t help but laugh. “A squirrel?”

“Yep. He-... or she maybe? I have no idea…  _ It _ was a very lovely and friendly squirrel, and middle school me was devastated. So, believe me, there is no weakness or shame in admitting you need a little help for any reason. Or being sad… If that is all that’s going on, of course.”

“... I don’t know what else it would be.”

“Well let’s find out. Open, please.” Lexa diligently opened her mouth for the plastic covered thermometer, sighing as the woman jotted down the readings from the cuff. A moment later the perky doctor was back, gently pulling it back out, only to press fingertips lightly to the sides of Lexa’s throat. 

She couldn't help but notice how rich the blue of the doctor’s eyes was; the hue and glint reminding Lexa of sun filled days of summers gone by... but that thought led to unpleasant ones, as they all seemed to lately, and Lexa quickly turned to stare morosely at a surgeon general warning taped to the wall instead. 

“Temperature is normal, blood pressure is great, and your glands are fine. I’ll want to draw some labs though, to check hormones and sugars and all that, just to be sure.”

“Yay.”

“Not a fan of needles?” Dr. Griffin smirked easily, tapping the end of her stethoscope in the palm of her hand.

“No I’m fine, I just bruise like a peach... Hence, my visit I guess.”

“How do you mean?” the doctor asked, pausing in the middle of lifting the buds to her ears.

Taking a dejected breath, Lexa swallowed to choke back the tears of shame that prickled due to her own thoughtless attempt at a joke. Once again she realized how pitiful she was for falling apart every time she even tried to talk about it at all. “Nothing, it was a dumb joke… You know, easily bruised and brokenhearted from a lousy breakup… forget it, it was stupid,” she trailed off, shrugging as she blinked away the moisture that had gathered in her eyes.

Seeing the doctor nod softly out of the corner of her eye, Lexa straightened as a hand landed on her shoulder. “Deep breath for me,” the doctor muttered quietly as she stepped closer, Lexa feeling the bell run from one side of her back to the next. She glanced down as the woman eased more in front of her, watching delicate hands gently press the metal to her chest. "Okay, breathe normally."

Which was easier said than done as Lexa’s lungs caught the fragrant notes of the doctor's perfume, the sweet tones encouraging a desire for deeper inhales. It was lovely, airy and fresh, and nothing at all like she was used to, its lightness addictive and reminiscent of floral delicacy.

Mentally slapping herself at being on the precipice of actually sniffing the poor woman, Lexa adjusted and did as she was told. 

"Mmm." Lexa froze as she took in pink lips tilted in a soft expression of kindness, blue eyes glancing up as the doctor pulled back. "Your heart actually sounds really, really strong."

Swallowing roughly when the woman stepped away, Lexa couldn't stop the slight croak to her voice as she uttered a quiet, "Oh?"

"Yes," Dr. Griffin smiled sincerely, turning to wash her hands then scribble down a few notes. 

Sighing quietly before straightening she leaned back on the table behind her, a small strip of torn paper held gingerly between her fingers. "Okay, so... I think you're on the right track about what's causing these problems. I still want to draw labs, which my nurse will do. But I'm giving you a 30 day script for something to tide you over if you decide that's what you want, because I am also recommending you go talk to somebody."

"I'm guessing you mean someone other than my dog?"

Chuckling at the joke, the doctor nodded her head. "Yes. While pets are very therapeutic, I tend to stick with only giving referrals for listeners with college degrees. I've written down the number of one that's nearby; she's great and takes every insurance under the sun."

"And if I said I don't want to?" Lexa questioned mildly.

"Then I'd say it's probably gonna take you a lot longer to feel better than if you did," the woman shrugged lightly though her voice rang with underlying empathy. "There's no shame in it. In fact, I see her myself." Grinning at the surprised look on Lexa's face, she continued as she held the paper out for Lexa to take. "Yes, really. Believe it or not, when this fancy coat comes off, I'm surprisingly a normal person. And I get it. I've had crappy breakups and lost loved ones and just been sad for no reason. Talking can help. Worse comes to worst, you try it and don't like it and stop."

"... And you see this one?" Lexa mumbled after a long moment, staring at the bends, curves, and lines of the handwritten number. 

"Well yeah, I'm not gonna send you to some crackpot. What kind of operation you think I'm running here," she scoffed, Lexa catching the doctor's wink as she gathered up her notes. With a flourished click of her pen, Dr. Griffin deposited it into her breast pocket and moved toward the door. "Alright Ms. Woods, sit tight and the nurse will be in in a moment. If anything changes-... or rather doesn't change, I suppose, come back and you can look into other options."

"I will, thank you."

Pausing on her way out, the doctor seemed to debate for a bit, lip tucked lightly between teeth as she tapped her fingers against the ball of the knob. "... For what it's worth, and I know everyone says this, but… things  _ will _ get better. It hurts right now, but you deserve a lot better than whatever that person put you through."

Lips twisting to the side as her gaze turned watery at the sentiment, Lexa worried the edge of her shirt as she tried to shrug it off. "You must think I'm pathetic… I feel pathetic."

"I don't, and you're not," the doctor stated, the stern firmness of her voice causing Lexa to look up. "Your heart is strong, which means so are you. And you're smart, that's why you chose to come in today. Believing anything else is a lie, alright? … And you have to listen to me. Because I'm a doctor and everything I say is always correct."

Lexa breathed a laugh, wiping away the lone tear that had escaped. "I'm not sure that's how that works."

"Shh, of course it is," Dr. Griffin shook her head in denial, opening the door to step out. "I'm right about everything."

"If you say so."

"I do. Remember, come back if anything changes. Or doesn't change."

"I will," Lexa assured, returning the soft smile and tossing in a wave. "And thank you."

"Glad I could help. Have a good day."

"You too."

_____________________________

  
  


Walking along the frost covered path, Lexa breathed in the scent of freshly fallen snow. Strings of lights twinkled merrily in the evening darkness as she passed shop after shop, enjoying the small displays of holiday wears. Snowflakes and Santas and reindeer as far as the eye could see: she couldn't stop her small smile at a particularly robust and jolly looking rendition of Kris Kringle.

This was her favorite time of year, despite the madness of the season, Lexa couldn't help but succumb to the draw of good tidings and holiday cheer. And she  _ was _ better, felt better, for the first time in a while, her energy having kicked back up over the last several months. So much so, she was actually enjoying knocking out her Christmas present shopping despite, or perhaps due to, the crowds, cold, and snow.

Rounding the corner of the block her eyes fell on the unassuming but charming bookstore, tossing a glance over her to her left before hustling across the street. Rubbing the frozen tip of her nose as warmth enveloped her when she stepped inside, Lexa took a moment to shake the chill from her bones. 

"Can I help you find anything?" a short man behind the counter asked, his frail frame leaning heavily on the cane in his hand. 

Smiling, Lexa nodded as she drew near, taking off her gloves one finger at a time before sticking them in her pocket. "Yes, actually. I'm looking for something for my niece. She loves magic and fantasy, but has exhausted everything Harry Potter, so I'm trying to find her something new."

"Children's section is around that corner there," he quietly croaked, the leathery sound of his voice evoking images of grandparents and childhood and home. "Fantasy will be the second row to your left."

"Thank you," she smiled gratefully before following his directions. 

Slowly traipsing down the aisle Lexa combed over the selection, stopping here and there when titles or color schemes caught her attention. She was sifting through a book on dragons, that was intriguing but not quite right, when a voice softly floated over her shoulder, breaking her out of taloned, scaly thoughts.

"I recommend  _ 'The Girl Who Drank The Moon'. _ "

Spinning on the spot, Lexa was surprised as her eyes locked with an amused shade of blue. Smiling brightly at the image before her, the woman looking so relaxed and normal and warm in a simple peacoat and hat, Lexa closed the book in her hands with a snap as she took a step closer. "Oh, h-hi."

"Hello," Dr. Griffin nodded in greeting, leaning on the shelf beside her. 

"You probably don't remember me-"

"Of course I do," she grinned. "How are you, Ms. Woods?"

Swallowing slightly, having forgotten how strikingly beautiful the young doctor was, Lexa cleared her throat nervously before speaking. "Good... I'm doing a lot better."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Really good. Great, actually. You were right. My um, my ex was just an ass."

"I'm not sure I said it like that."

"Close enough, and it was true," Lexa shrugged flippantly. "But anyway... I'm sleeping fine, appetite's back. My sister doesn't kick me out of cars anymore… It was a thing," she chuckled at the quirked brow at that one. "Work's going great… I'm happy again. Well, I mean,  _ happier." _

Lexa watched kind, contented eyes glide over her as the woman smiled softly and listened to her speak. "That's wonderful to hear, I'm really glad you're doing so well, Ms. Woods."

"You, you can just call me, Lexa. The whole 'Ms. Woods' thing feels so clinical." She hated how eager she probably sounded, just now remembering how useless she always became when a pretty girl was around. 

But Dr. Griffin was more than just pretty, in reality the woman was stunning, and Lexa was confident in the knowledge that she was losing the battle between letting her eyes drink their fill, and not coming across like a complete and utter weirdo. 

She watched a tongue slowly sweep across a pink, soft looking lip, eyes darting between her own before the woman spoke again. "Okay… then you have to call me Clarke."

Smiling, Lexa nodded, holding a hand out in greeting. "It's nice to officially meet you, Clarke."

"You too, Lexa," she grinned while shaking her hand. And  _ god _ , the way she said her name. If she were alone, she'd be biting her knuckle, the lilt and husky tone causing Lexa's stomach to flip in excitement. 

"So, um," she tried, pulling herself together, hoping to keep the conversation flowing, "you were saying you recommend something?"

"... Oh, right, yes," Clarke blinked with a breath of a laugh, seeming to come back to herself at the reminder of why they were talking. "I uh, I happened to hear you telling Wally what you were looking for. My goddaughter is super into this stuff and she loves this book." 

Lexa tried to listen as she explained, hearing her words and digesting exactly none of it, her breath caught as the woman suddenly reached around her to grab something off the shelf behind her. 

Taking the book from her hand, Lexa told herself the way their fingers grazed was accidental, well accustomed to lying to herself when it came to things such as flirting. Flipping through the pages, she nodded in approval before looking back up with gratitude. "This looks perfect. Like… exactly what I'm looking for. I'm sure she'll love it… Why didn't you just shout it out when I first walked in?" she joked, flipping the cover closed again.

And then she noticed the doctor's blush deepen as blue eyes darted away. "Oh I-... I didn't know if you'd want help."

"From you? Why wouldn't I? I thought you said everything you say is always right," Lexa smirked, feigning nonchalance as she absolutely inconspicuously moved to lean on the shelf beside her.

"Hah, yeah," Clarke breathed a laugh, the ruddiness of her cheeks looking brighter at the proximity, but making no attempt to move. If anything, Lexa swore the slight shuffle of the woman's feet brought her just _that_ much closer. "I uh, I did say that, didn't I."

Humming in confirmation, Lexa smiled when the woman shook her head and nudged her lightly on the shoulder.

"You're teasing me, but technically when you think about it, I'm still batting a hundred when it comes to you so..."

"Well... In all fairness, I  _ was _ saying that I welcomed your input," Lexa shrugged. 

"... I guess you were."

"And if anything… I wish you would've come over sooner." 

At the sight of pearly teeth gently gripping the woman's supple lip, Lexa took a steadying breath, figuring 'what the hell', and decided to just go for it. 

"D-"

"I don't know if you're busy but, um, would you maybe… wanna go grab some coffee? With me?"

A little taken aback Lexa's mouth snapped shut as the woman beat her to the punch, only to quickly rally and nod rapidly in reply. "Yeah, yes, I would love to."

"Okay, great," Clarke seemed to exhale in relief. "There's this cute place about two blocks down?"

"Grounders, right. It's nice."

"Do you wanna just walk over, or?"

"Mhm, let me buy this really fast and we can go." Grinning like an idiot, Lexa took an extra second to gaze into sparkling blue before gently pushing away from the shelf to actually make her purchase. 

Bag in hand, Lexa joined the woman waiting for her on the sidewalk, smiling as Clarke tugged her across the street by the sleeve of her coat. They were silent for a moment before a thought popped into Lexa’s head, causing her steps to slightly falter. "Is this even-... I mean, with patients, are you allowed to…"

"... Have coffee?" Clarke grinned, glancing at her out of the corner of her eye. 

"As for example."

Chuckling lightly, Clarke nodded easily. "While it's not the  _ best _ idea to get personal with patients, yes, it's fine. There's no rule against doctor/patient friendships... As long as it stays only at friendship."

Feeling her good mood deflating, Lexa couldn't help the dejected guffaw that fell from her lips as she spoke without thinking. "Well that really fucking sucks."

Clarke snorted a laugh in amusement beside her, nodding in agreement as they walked on. "Yeah, it really can… Either way, good thing that rule doesn't apply to us."

"What?" Lexa asked, unconsciously halting in her tracks. 

Noticing her lack of walking companion Clarke stopped as well, turning around and smirking at the genuine look of befuddlement. "I was just filling in for the week at the clinic while their usual doctor was out sick. Normally I work at the hospital downtown… Did you not notice that your appointment was originally with Doctor Kane? Doctor  _ Marcus _ Kane?"

"No," Lexa frowned while struggling to think back to that day, really only being able to remember the doctor and how she had helped turn everything around. "... I… was pretty out of it back then, I guess."

Nodding gently Clarke stepped forward, snagging a finger on a loop on the front of Lexa's coat. "I get it, no worries… But anyway I'm not your doctor, so any coffee... adventures … are perfectly fine."

Lips tilting up as she stepped forward, Lexa felt a renewed sense of hope for the first time in a while. "And um, what about possible dinner... 'shenanigans'?"

"Definitely encouraged," Clarke grinned as she started to walk backward, pulling Lexa along easily in her wake. "Since you brought it up, I could actually go for some Italian right now, oddly enough."

"Vincenzo's is only a five minute walk?"

"Perfect," she nodded happily, turning to face correctly, Lexa's heart thumping wildly as the doctor tucked a hand into the nook of her elbow. "Plenty of time for you to tell me about your sister kicking you out of her car, because that definitely sounded like something I want to hear."

Lexa laughed in delighted embarrassment as she steered them down the street. “Fine... But first you have to tell me about the squirrel thing.” 

Grinning at the grumbled 'Oh god,' Lexa draped a hand over the fingers clutching her and squeezed consolingly. 

"It's a long, embarrassing story," Clarke whined. 

"No seriously, Clarke, you have to tell me, I've been thinking about it nonstop," she assured as they rounded the corner and out of sight, leaving the other holiday shoppers behind.  
  



End file.
